Saturday, August 17, 2013


So, I promised to be real and transparent.  This is one of those real moments. 

If you were spying on me last night, you would have seen an ugly moment.  Not a messy hair moment, but an angry moment.

How I got there is not important, really.  There was no drama, no argument, nothing... Just a situation where I reacted.  I did not get angry outwardly, lash out, or treat anyone poorly.  No, I stuffed the anger inward and let it settle in my mind.  

After fuming for a few moments, I chose to sit outside for a few minutes.  Now, the old me would have stormed outside, stewed about the situation, and laid blame in other people.  In this situation, there is no one to blame.  Like I said, there wasn't a reason for me to get angry other than that's just what I chose.  However, the old me would have blamed someone regardless of that truth.  The old me would have sat outside fuming that my husband hadn't come to see what was wrong with me.  The old me would have plotted ways to pick a fight with someone (probably my husband) just to make myself feel better. 

However, I'm thankful that the old me is gone.  Yes, I was angry.  Yes, I wanted to blame someone.  BUT, I didn't.  I sat down to sit with my anger.  I allowed myself to feel the feelings.  I stayed angry for a few minutes.  I did not look to blame someone, and I calmed down quickly.  

I surrendered my feelings and processed through them.  I acknowledged that I am currently exhausted. I admitted that I needed a few moments alone to recharge and to refresh.  I prayed, confessed my anger, and allowed myself some grace.  Then I let it all go. 

When I was ready, I came back inside, ready to be with my family again.  The old me would have been mad all night, but not the me I am today.  I processed through the ugly moment.  I chose to let it go and enjoy the rest of my night. 

I'm not proud of my ugly moment tonight, but I am committed to remember James 1:19-20.  I am committed to be transparent with those of you who are Spying on Sarah.

What are your ugly moments like?


  1. Thank you for being so transparent! Unfortunately I've struggled with similiar situations and it is encouraging to see you work through one. I will have to remember this scripture for the future.

    1. I love that when I become vulnerable and share a struggle I find I am never alone! These verses have been helpful to me in those moments!